Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
