I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
