Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
someone threw a dead crab at me
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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