Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
