I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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