I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
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I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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