Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
this hospital has no fireball
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
