Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
