absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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