After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
