I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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