remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
