If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
