I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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