her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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