his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
