We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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