she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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