I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Even my vagina gasped.
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Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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