My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
