So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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