I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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