my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
