i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
