I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
