He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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