Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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