Can i not drive my cunt home
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
