yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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