so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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