Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
