I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I pour the whiskey from now on
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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