and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I am naked and annoyed.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
