She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
