I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You have to summon your inner elephant
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
