Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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