i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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