OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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