would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
