Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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