so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
porn star boner night. come get it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
