And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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