He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
