The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
