there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
