just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
