there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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