Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
