I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
