I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
