Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
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It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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