Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
