I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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