9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
