Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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