you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
