that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
