What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
