I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
