Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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