You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
