I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
