So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
