I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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