I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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