No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
