you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
third nipple confirmed
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
