Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
