So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He better not be in your backpack
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
