I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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