Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
